2010年11月18日

連絡

某外国に住む「フルーツの名前+夢」さん、うっかりしてました。本当に申し訳ありません。
posted by せるしん at 14:00| Comment(0) | TrackBack(0) | 今日特筆すべきこと | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2009年10月15日

Meaning of my life

I am socially dead. I have almost no connection to the society.
I like studying but I'm not good at working using what I learned.

I strongly feel I'm not useful. Even if I get a job and start to work, I will not be helpful.

I've tried the best to adjust myself to any workplaces. But I just can't get well along. I feel stressed out, get too nervous and finally come down with some illness.

I believe I have been well below the average in terms of intelligence. Some companies rejected me because of my lacking academic record. They are right in doing so. I don't deserve any respect that should be paid to people called SENSEI. I was lazy as a child. I didn't study at all. I was a kind of child who is out of control. My mother put all her affection to my brothers. There was no affection spared for me. She didn't love me maybe because I was too slow in reaction and too inattentive and careless in everything. I must have seemed like something very challenging to her but of no use at all. Besides, she shamed herself for giving birth to a girl. She needed only boys. She must have been fed up with me.
I grew up with little matternal affection, which, as a child, I believed I was given.

Now I'm confused becaue of the problems I feel about my competence and uncomfortable feelings about my mother's way of raising her daughter.

I'm losing the meaning of my life. Why did she give birth to me? Why am I so incompetent about working in the society?
I feel like I am useless. I'm not worth living. I don't deserve anything that exists in the world, love, respect, friendship, and even nutritions extracted from other living things.

I am meaningless.
posted by せるしん at 10:54| Comment(0) | TrackBack(0) | 今日特筆すべきこと | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2009年09月23日

Another trial

After a week of hard working, I've got a strong urge to poish up my own English abilities.

There has been a long interval since the last time I listened to English-learning medea, practiced taking notes and eye-translation, and got deep into grammatical studies. Now, I'm not sure it's fortunate or unfortunate that I don't have a steady job. But anyway, I have a lot of time, which allows me to do whatever I want to do, or which can be easily wasted.

During the past five years I spent in Hokkaido, I was sufferd from severe depression. The disease often tempted me to destroy myself and robbed me of meaning of my life. I badly struggled and survived anyhow. I've got back myself, and got back to Osaka where I was born.

Time is precious as I get older. Some might say I am too old to seek a prefessional career, others might say there's no such a thing that is too late to be started. I don't know which is the right view for me to adopt. But I cannnot affort any choice to make because I have little time to fulfill my life, which means I should take up the latter view and do whatever I can do.

As long as I live, I try to be better than myself. That is what life is about.

posted by せるしん at 11:45| Comment(0) | TrackBack(0) | 今日特筆すべきこと | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2009年02月19日

Quotation of the day

"This plan will not save every home, but it will give millions of families resigned to financial ruin a chance to rebuild."

New York Times の今日の言葉です。
resignの使い方が勉強になりました。

大統領制と議院内閣制の違いもありましょうが、経済対策を矢継ぎ早に出すオバマ政権に比べると、やはり麻生内閣は見劣りはなはだしい。

政治家の質とか前提とかが、根本的に違うような…。
posted by せるしん at 22:55| Comment(0) | TrackBack(0) | 今日特筆すべきこと | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする

2009年02月11日

Fresh Start

春節も過ぎたことなので、また気分一新ブログを再開しようと思います。

語学学習は毎日の積み重ね。

学ぶことは必ずしもお金を稼ぐことにはつながらないけど、学ばなければ暗黒の闇。

生き甲斐は金銭的見返りだけでは得られない。

今のご時世、こんなことを言っていられる私は特権階級かもしれないけれど、一冊の本に書かれた一行の言葉がひと塊のパンと同じくらい生きる力を与えてくれることもある。

人間はカラダとアタマがあって初めて人間です。

さあ、ブログの中の私、『せるしん』。よろしくね。
posted by せるしん at 21:58| 🌁| Comment(0) | TrackBack(0) | 今日特筆すべきこと | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする
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